Looking on the bright side...

I'm an optimist. So the way I see it, we get two options with Obama. If he loses, we get more of this...



And if he wins, we get more of this...



Either way, we win... Comedy wins... The planet wins.

Chinese car knock-offs

Fortune cookie say, "Profit awaits!"

It's not stealing. It's an homage.

Rumor has it these models will be sold with free copies of original video game "Guitar-like Hero III" for the Xboxer and Praystation game consoles. (Free iPuds with the first 1 billion sold.)

More Obama family found living in squalor

Good grief... How many relatives does this guy have?? And how many of them are living in slum conditions and bark huts while he's been busy making the sweet moola with Uncle Rico?

What was that again Obama was telling us about doing "unto the least of these" at Rick Warren's Religious-rope-a-dope event a couple months ago?

Guess we can safely add "hypocrite" to the list of negatives piled like Boston street sewage against the ivory statue of The One.

Gay marriage ends in ultra bloody murder

That would be 200 stabs with a screwdriver. The perp? None other than liberal Huffpo writer Carol Anne Burger. What a hack. [Heh. Heh, heh.]

$150,000 reward for L.A.Times Obama Tape

L.A. Times Special Edition available through Nov. 4 only!

I'm going to come clean and reveal that back during the Jeremiah Wright scandal, I sincerely believed Obama was simply caught fudging his "church-goin' man" credentials. That he didn't really know about Trinity United's self-described(!) Marxism and pro-Hamas activities at all because he really wasn't there that much. Now I'm beginning to seriously fear his willingness to back off Iran is motivated by something other than liberal naivete entirely.

Help me out here, L.A. Times.

The tape of Obama and Rashid Khalidi is real. The Times admits it. They're simply refusing to let anyone know what's on it.

And since releasing the tape would also prove what isn't on it -- including, say, non-8-year-old Barack Obama yucking it up with Bill Ayers and Bernardine Dorhn over cocktails -- we can only conclude it's all pretty damning.

Dune Capital is offering $150,000 to anyone with a bootleg copy.

Here's hoping ACORN has been deployed to the bowels of the L.A. Times to stand guard over the original. I hear those people would sell their (dead) grandmother(s' birth certificates) for a quick buck.

Vote like there's no tomorrow!

Change is coming

Vote GOP, oh ye people! For the love of God, vote! Hold your nose if you have to, but vote.

Pat Buchanan has had a dark vision of Barack's first 100 days, and it's not pretty. Scary thing is, the ones I've highlighted are the unequivocal no-brainers, things that will happen, 100% guaranteed, because they've either said so outright or have tried it in the past:

"...We may be looking at a reverse of 1980, when Reagan won a 10-point victory over Jimmy Carter, and Republicans took the Senate and, working with Boll Weevil Democrats, effective control of the House.

With his tax cuts, defense buildup and rollback policy against the "Evil Empire," Reagan gave us some of the best years of our lives, culminating in America's epochal victory in the Cold War.

What does the triumvirate of Obama-Pelosi-Reid offer?

Rep. Barney Frank is calling for new tax hikes on the most successful and a 25 percent across-the-board slash in national defense. Sen. John Kerry is talking up new and massive federal spending, a la FDR's New Deal. Specifically, we can almost surely expect:

-- Swift amnesty for 12 million to 20 million illegal aliens and a drive to make them citizens and register them, as in the Bill Clinton years. This will mean that Nevada, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona will soon move out of reach for GOP presidential candidates, as has California.

-- Border security will go on the backburner, and America will have a virtual open border with a Mexico of 110 million.

-- Taxes will be raised on the top 5 percent of wage-earners, who now carry 60 percent of the U.S. income tax burden, and tens of millions of checks will be sent out to the 40 percent of wage-earners who pay no federal income tax. Like the man said, redistribute the wealth, spread it around.

-- Social Security taxes will be raised on the most successful among us, and capital gains taxes will be raised from 15 percent to 20 percent. The Bush tax cuts will be repealed, and death taxes reimposed.

-- Two or three more liberal activists of the Ruth Bader Ginsberg-John Paul Stevens stripe will be named to the Supreme Court. U.S. district and appellate courts will be stacked with "progressives."

-- Special protections for homosexuals will be written into all civil rights laws, and gays and lesbians in the military will be invited to come out of the closet. "Don't ask, don't tell" will be dead.

-- The homosexual marriages that state judges have forced California, Massachusetts and Connecticut to recognize, an Obama Congress or Obama court will require all 50 states to recognize.

-- A "Freedom of Choice Act" nullifying all state restrictions on abortions will be enacted. America will become the most pro-abortion nation on earth.

-- Affirmative action -- hiring and promotions based on race, sex and sexual orientation until specified quotas are reached -- will be rigorously enforced throughout the U.S. government and private sector.

--Universal health insurance will be enacted, covering legal and illegal immigrants, providing another powerful magnet for the world to come to America, if necessary by breaching her borders.

-- A federal bailout of states and municipalities to keep state and local governments spending up could come in December or early next year.

-- The first trillion-dollar deficit will be run in the first year of an Obama presidency. It will be the first of many."

Tell me, friends who call yourselves conservative Christians still voting for this guy, is this what you're willing to see happen? Is this the change you want? Because it's a nation neither conservative nor Christian, and you're about to help make it happen.

Checking the trades

Okey-dokey... Just scanning the daily movie news here.

Let's see what the town that once gave us Lawrence of Arabia and It's a Wonderful Life is promising the world this morning.

Ah. Looks like we've got a big budget film about a farting dog... Excellent. A biopic about a little known member of National Public Radio... Good, good. A nostalgic road-trip picture featuring hippies on LSD, based on something published in 1968... (Gutsy, I like it.) Annnnd, to top it off, looks like we've got a reverent homage to the Prophet Muhammad in the works, too. Well God bless 'em for caring, huh?

Excellent choices, Hollywood. [Splash sips his mimosa, turns the page.]

Wait a minute. What's this--? Says here they're doing an epic actioner about William the Conqueror? What the crap??

I mean, sure, Bush will technically be gone by then, but how does this help the life-or-death struggle against Sarah Palin's America? William didn't wage an illegal foreign war against misunderstood Muslims. He didn't face discrimination as a black athlete in the South. And we as a people didn't survive the Hollywood blacklist for you to make useless stuff like this!

Shareholders, get on the phone now. Because (unless they make him gay or symbolic of European progressiveness, of course) heads need to roll.

Obama shrugs off assasination "plot"

Don't say I never had a good word for Barack Obama. This is precisely the right reaction, and he said it without an ounce of disingenuousness.

Fun with Dirty Harry

If you haven't visited Dirty Harry's Place lately, you might want to drop by. Some great stuff, including...

The damning video tape of Barack Obama that the L.A. Times is dutifully sitting on...

Sarah Palin hung in effigy in West Hollywood...

A link to audio of Barack Obama explicitly lobbying for "redistribution of wealth" (aka Marxism) on Chicago talk radio in 2001...

And DH mulling over the question I'm surprised more people aren't asking themselves... Forget "how well does Obama know Ayers, Wright, Khalidi, ACORN, et al?" but "what is it they see in him to connect with so well?"

Eat the rich!

Meet Obama's new cash cows. Seem like greedy bastards worth pumping for greenbacks to me.

They haven't suffered. They haven't paid their dues. While the rest of us were busy doing our duty being average -- skipping class, partying and whatnot in college -- they were acting all high falutin' taking night classes, going into triple-digit debt, working for free to rub our noses in it and fool us all into thinking they were special, entitled to more money in the end, just because.

Sure they're already paying a huge percentage of the nation's taxes, but Barack is right. We won't be able to thrive as a people until families like this are living in the projects, and their children are forced not to continue on the same path as mom and dad into the medical field but to take lesser jobs like you and me and Nanci Pelosi.

Check out these arrogant punks here. And while you're watching, hum the Aerosmith song Barack better play at his inauguration after we the people elect him to spread the wealth around. Hum it with your face twisted in righteous indignation...

'Cause I'm a sick of your complainin'
About how many bills
And I'm sick of all your bitchin'
Bout your poodles and your pills
And I just can't see no humour
About your way of life
And I think I can do more for you
With this here fork and knife!

Eat the Rich: there's only one thing they're good for
Eat the Rich: take one bite now - come back for more
Eat the Rich: I gotta get this off my chest
Eat the Rich: take one bite now, spit out the rest!

Anti-McCain violence hits Splash household

Sad remains

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the unrest we've been reporting here for some time has now reached our sleepy town in Central Washington state.

It began with a sign stealing spree a month or so ago, and today, upon stepping out of the Splash Cave en route to the Splashmobile this a.m., I was horrified to find that our own McCain/Palin yard sign had been not only stolen in the wee hours, but apparently tortured during the process.

The moral of the story? Never underestimate the Left's passion for free speech.

Biden Quote of the Day

"Is this a joke?"

Joe Biden, sweating through the hair plugs:

"I don't know who's writing your questions."

Translation: "I thought we were writing your questions!"

No, Joe, but if recent events are any indication, you're gonna find out who it was and make 'em pay.

Because how dare she, a mere reporter, ask the future vice president of the United States tough questions like these?

I love, too, how Biden steps in it by attacking Bush for "spreading the wealth around," which was, um, Obama's very promise to Joe the Plumber. No wonder they've put a muzzle on this guy.

I'm starting to change my mind... Four years of this could be really, really fun.

Bachmann is just the beginning

Keepin' it real, paying the price

Billionaire carpetbagger Tim Gil, aka The Gay Godfather (Thanks, Jeremy), wants to kill our babies. Literally, I'm sure, but in this case, it's strangling the next generation of conservatives in the crib that he's all about.

"...Gill famously put it this way: 'I want to end the career of the next Rick Santorum before it starts.' ”

Well, if money talks, Michele Bachmann is getting an earful. All for having the audacity to suggest the media do its job.

Luckily, in the one-sided murderball game played against her by the Left and its media toadies, Bachmann can at least count on her own party to defend her, right? Seeing as how it's in danger of losing a significant number of congressional seats already as it is?

"To add to her troubles, the national Republican Party—which has been in almost complete retreat from conservatives and their ideas for the past two election cycles—confirmed Wednesday, just two weeks before the election, that it will not run previously planned TV advertisements on Bachmann’s behalf."

Sigh...

Cure for the common cold?

Scientists are zeroing in on the little bug(gers).

Should Holly get the boot from corporate?

Thaaat's what he said

Is it just me, or has "The Office" screwed up by introducing Michael's new gal pal Holly? Not that there haven't been a few laughs, but I don't see where this relationship can possibly lead.

Sure, technically she's not quite as clueless as he is, but a little of the new HR rep with a blind spot for the World's Greatest Boss goes a long way. At least for me. And it's territory already well covered by Micheal Scott himself.

As I see it, sitcoms are a delicate balance of characters pulling strategically against each other for just the right amount of tension and comedy. There's only room for one Jim Ignatowski in "Taxi," one barstool at "Cheers" that fits Cliff Clavin's keister just right. Just look at the overnight train wreck that "News Radio" became after Phil Hartman died and was replaced by Jon Lovitz, who essentially arrived as a second Andy Dick.

It looked like "The Office" had a similar problem brewing when Andy arrived from Stamford, but the show managed to shade his differences just enough to compliment, not clash with Dwight's mojo. That's going to be tougher to do with Holly. Already things feel a might forced -- not to mention how double-the-dorkiness draws too much attention to the, let's face it, impossible existence of a guy like Michael Scott in a position of authority in the politically correct realm of corporate America. And if he represents the show's realty-piercing punchline, her character commits the cardinal sin of comedy by taking us past the punchline.

Maybe nothing to worry about. I read somewhere Amy Ryan was initially booked for only half a dozen episodes. Last night's complication is perfectly timed to make just such a deadline. Either way, I have faith in Greg Daniels to make it all better. Sure hope so. I'd hate to have to start buying my paper from Staples again.

A father sent to jail by public school gay rights proponents

My first reaction was "take your kids out of the public school system already!" But he's right, it needs to be fought from within at the same time.

'Roundtable' script review

I haven't heard much about this project, but it sounds like a ton of fun.

And while I'm at it, here's another script review, this one for that Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes project (now filming) that I've been following. Doesn't sound as promising, but I'm pretty sure the magic that was Iron Man also wouldn't have been obvious from the script either. (Just saw it again last night, and apart from the obviously killer production design and action sequences, it was the casting -- Robert Downey Jr., the chemistry between RDJ and Gweneth Paltrow, and a seriously overachieving performance by the great and mighty Jeff Bridges -- that made that picture a cut above.)

Biden avoids press...

...as Palin takes questions. Guess the foot's in the other mouth now, isn't it?

Citizen's arrest! Citizen's arrest!

So far we've seen rampaging grannies... Obama as the literal second coming of Christ... Joe Biden talking... And now a feminist Gomer Pyle's attempted citizen's arrest of Karl Rove in San Francisco. I think it's safe to say the Left has cornered the market on public looniness these days.

"Thank God for guns, huh, Jerry?"

Man, I gotta start watching 'Boston Legal.'