Jackson a hard Hobbit to break?

Home again...maybe

Good news for Peter Jackson's legion of Tolkien fans... Looks as if the great man himself is back in the running for a big screen adaptation of "Lord of the Rings" prequel The Hobbit. As if we really doubted this was more than an extended sour-grapes rant from Bob Shaye in the first place, right?

Prince Caspian

Orlando Bloom II?

Digging through recent news I came across this peek at Narnia: Prince Caspian I'd missed last month.

If I'm being honest, I was closer to merely happy the first film didn't screw anything up than really excited by it. The casting was so-so, the script a B-, and Andrew Adamson as director was just on the thumbs-up side of adequate.

But it ultimately worked because the pivotal scene depicting Aslan's sacrifice packed a huge emotional punch, the final battle sequence was thrilling and the look of the film was a feast for the eyes. (So perhaps I should cut Adamson some slack?)

Hard to tell much from this brief featurette, but Ben Barnes looks to be a solid acquisition to the team for Narnia II. Plucked from near obscurity, Barnes is clearly on a track down the Orlando Bloom road to stardom. He's actually a bit more masculine than the above pouty pretty boy mug suggests.

Feels right for the Caspian role, but it's been years since I've read the book.

Barnes can also be seen in the prologue for Stardust, in theaters now.

Good Night and Good Luck, New Republic suckers!

So I'm in Baghdad yesterday, right? And these Young Republican frat boys stuff 15 puppies in this mini-fridge!

This one is too delicious to let go without drawing as much attention to it as possible. Yes, it seems The Old Democrat, er, New Republic just got pantsed again.

In the grand tradition of pinko fake-o Stephen Glass, TNR's covert "Baghdad Diarist" -- a U.S. soldier blogging about the barbarism of his fellow G.I.s in Iraq -- has been unmasked. We now know his name, rank and serial fibs as a shill for the anti-war movement.

Though editors at everyone's favorite toffee-nosed Lefty rag are understandably in deep, deep denial about this embarrassing repeat of recent history, Pvt. Scott Thomas Beauchamp has reportedly signed a statement recanting his unsubstantiated claims of U.S. soldiers wearing dead children's skulls and swerving to run over puppy dogs with Bradley Fighting Vehicles. (Turns out Bradleys are incapable of "swerving" -- one of a few clues that led The Weekly Standard to investigate this brave truth teller's claims.)

From the above-linked TNR statement on Beauchamp:

"Although we place great weight on the corroborations we have received, we wished to know more. But, late last week, the Army began its own investigation, short-circuiting our efforts."

Translation: "We asked around, confirmed our guy was there. Blame Bush we may never really know the truth!"

Ann Coulter has a piece on the Beauchamp incident, though a far cry from her best. Her boredom reporting this latest moment of media hypocrisy and disinformation is palpable. It's understandable, though. Can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Liberal fraudster these days. Where's the challenge anymore?

Movie tie-in...

If you haven't yet, do check out Broken Glass, an excellent little film about the first time this happened. Available on DVD or occasionally The Independent Film Channel.

True, New Republic's editors are champions of truth depicted as victims of their own good hearts, rather than the willing accomplices that this latest incident is further evidence they may have been. But it also shows a Liberal muckraker nailed by New Media upstarts and disgraced for lies intended to disgrace conservatives. (Best scene: a stunned Peter Sarsgaard yanking issue after issue of the magazine off the office racks in mute horror... Watch it on a loop. Make extra popcorn.)

But given that this latest incident also happens to touch on Iraq, don't hold your breath waiting for a sequel.

Film Review: Stardust

My Rain Man-like powers for spotting hidden agendas in entertainment can be a curse sometimes. Seems like nobody just makes movies anymore.

For that reason, I was looking forward to Stardust. The trailer (watch it, you'll get the gist) suggested the next Princess Bride -- that cynicism-free breath of fresh air from 1987 of which we could use a second wind today.

First the good news... Turns out there is a big, bright Bride vibe along with elements of The Wizard of Oz, Harry Potter, a Terry Gilliam-esque comic tone, and thoroughly impressive visual design and effects. Also a heavy dose of old school Brothers Grimm horror -- in reversal of Harry Potter's inversion of evil archetypes -- complete with damsels in distress and haggish witches distressing them.

We also get the fetching Claire Danes doing a heavy but excellent British accent, the ever-hilarious Ricky Gervais (too briefly), and a powerfully resurgent Michelle Pfeiffer -- the rare actress selfless enough to have zeroed out her career to devote key years to her family despite her age in a sex-appeal-intensive industry.

Much of the comedy is brilliant, including a billy goat experiencing serious culture shock after Pheiffer's witch queen turns him into an inn keeper (appropriately named "Billy") and a ghostly peanut gallery of murdered princes joining each other on the sidelines throughout the picture as they bump each other off en route to claim the faerie kingdom throne.

And if you're tired of the anachronisms and pop-culture references of Shreck, fear not. The laughs here are mostly in context and much more subtle.

The bad news is that everything only occasionally gels, largely because Stardust cant decide if it wants to be an earnest fairy tale or a send-up of earnest fairy tales.

It's also a road picture that falls into the road picture quagmire of an episodic plot structure. Too many loosely linked waypoints, too little drama.

Ditto for Stardust's too-obvious romantic comedy template. We know the bickering hero and heroine will fall for each other in the end, and it all plays out more or less as expected -- which is fine in a rom-com with perfect chemistry between the leads. Here, the romance works only in fits and starts, feeling alternately real and contrived.

Then there's Robert De Niro as a (literally) closet gay sky pirate. It's mildly funny at first, but by the time he's dancing around like a can-can girl, it's just lame... (It's tough guy Robert De Niro acting fruity, we get it already.) And we've seen this before, from Monty Python's "Lumberjack Song" to Zorro the Gay Blade. Yet it goes on, waaay past the punchline after that, all the way to a truly gay (in the worst sense of the word) "come out and be happy" message that totally takes us out of the film. Thank you again, Hollywood Gay Mafia.

Parents beware, too, the creepier aspects of the wicked witch element. Animals are sacrificed, entrails are read. (Albeit mostly off-camera. And not to worry, the furry woodland creatures get their revenge in the end.)

...Which all sounds like a thumbs-down, right? Not really. It's an entertaining, mostly original flick that's hard not to enjoy. Just don't expect it to abide with you long after, like the great ones do.

Nor, given all the flaming pirates and witchcraft, can we expect it to become the church youth group, movie night favorite Princess Bride became on its way to universally-loved "modern classic" status.

Bottom line, good film, but I guess I'm still just waiting for that breath of truly fresh air.

Keys to the 'The Kingdom'?

If you haven't yet, check out this fantastic trailer for 'The Kingdom.'

Is this yet another partisan, anti-Iraq sermon being packaged for Red State suckers, or could it be as good as it looks? I'm optimistic, but the telltale signs of liberalism may be there.

First, the cast of confirmed and presumed liberals.

Chris Cooper isn't just a Leftist, he's hardcore, in the mold of Penn/Glover/Baldwin. Cooper does not play hard-bitten G-men out to avenge wrongs to his country unless there's a conspiracy at the core. Ditto for Jeremy Piven. Then there's character actor Richard Jenkins, who often inhabits bureaucrats and smarmy authority types, evidently here playing a suit responsible for sending our heroes into the soup.

Another clue appears in an alternate trailer.

Jamie Foxx's character tells his son he's going after bad men, to which his son affirms, "you're not one of them." Hollywood does not set something up like that unless it proves ironic, ala Munich, where the "good guys" lose their soul in pursuit of "bad guys" who are really just like us.

Writer Matthew Michael Carnahan is an unknown quantity, but his upcoming "Lion for Lambs" looks to be as liberal as they come on roughly the same topic as this movie.

The producers are a mixed bag. Some with liberal credits logged or upcoming, some who just might lean right.

Michael Mann is the biggest name on the producing team. Stylistically, he's one of my all-time favorite directors. One of the reasons for that being the fact that I don't know where he stands politically. He's largely remained blessedly apolitical, though I do like the looks of one project he's developing now.

Director Peter Berg... Another unknown, though both Friday Night Lights and the TV show it spawned (and he produces) have proven respectful to and worthy of their Middle American audience.

My guess? We're the good guys but there will be a conspiratorial twist at the end, though whether or how directly Uncle Sam is complicit remains to be seen.

If it merely bashes the kingdom of Saudi Arabia as the false friend to American interests that it is -- a fact which the present administration seems as clueless as it is on the immigration issue -- I as a conservative may even be high-fiving my pinko colleagues across the aisle after the screening.

Either way though, one of the best-produced trailers I've seen in years. U2's "Bullet the Blue Sky" provides the soundtrack here and could be the biggest little clue yet as to the tone of this film.

Now if only yet another film -- 300 being the last -- hadn't just lifted a few key moments from the script I last finished. Ah, well... Back to the ole drawing board.

Bin's Burkha Bimbo

Wondering where they'll spend Christmas this year

Quick, who are we talking about? She's...

1. Rich
2. Not bright
3. A bit of a diva
4. Dabbles in "progressive" politics
5. Opposes the War on Terror
6. Has a thing for younger men
7. Changes husbands like Elizabeth Taylor
8. Buys Botox by the truckload

Any ideas?

If you guessed Charlize Theron, Halle Berry, Natalie Portman or Demi Moore, you're warm. If you guessed Nancy Pelosi or Hillary Clinton, you're red hot.

Meet Osama's daughter-in-law, Jane Bin Laden -- a white, comically self-absorbed, British liberal who bears a striking resemblance to what we on the Right refer to as the "typical Hollywood liberal."

"Jane has some strong political views of her own, albeit ones based on a hazy understanding of history. She says she is proud to be British. I ask her if she is proud of the so-called War on Terror being waged in her name.

'No, I am not proud of that, in the same way that I am not proud of the situation with the Irish, or when we went into the Falklands. Why should we have the right to take over countries and not give them back? We are a very arrogant nation.'

Low watt, high maintenance, anti-Bush... All she needs now is a development deal with the Weinsteins.

Seriously, though. Conservatives are always being slammed for pointing out how Western Liberals and and Middle Eastern Jihadists sound identical at times, particularly on the War on Terror. The nexus has never been clearer (or more amusing) than this article.

I won't spoil the fun by commenting further on this. Read and enjoy.

Siskel & Ebert (& Roeper) online

As great as a some of the recurring guest hosts on "Ebert & Roeper" have been in Roger's absence, I really miss the true Godfather of Movie Geeks' keister wedged into his regular seat in the balcony every week. Have to say, I still miss Gene even more.

So if you're like me, you've circled this Thursday, Aug. 2, on your calendar in heavy-point red Sharpie after the show's major announcement this week.

Roger himself (while a long, long way from returning to TV as far as I can tell) will host an online chat at 5 p.m. PST to launch a new video archive of every episode of the show in existence going back to the "At the Movies" debut in the 1970s.

It seems we'll be able to search by actor, director, movie title, etc. Sounds too good to be true. But they haven't yet referred to this as a premium service or not, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Log onto the Website here Thursday to be part of the fun.

The Preacher rides again

Do you feel lucky, sinner?

And in the "Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition" category, we have this heartwarming story on what you get when WWJD meets the NRA. Love it.

Cherry's ripe for '24'

The next Maggie Thatcher...or Mrs. Bill Clinton?

'24' was undeniably a letdown last season. The story was uninvolving, the format tired and the casting unmemorable. And as nice as it was to have evil VP Powers Boothe on board, junior G-man Ricky Schroeder made it a net loss. Even Chloe was zero fun this time around.

Then there was the undercurrent of liberalism that reversed several seasons of the Red State mindset that had made the show so popular.

All this coming off what many consider the show's best season since the first. I did, and for once not because of Jack. It was the ultimate dysfunctional first family -- the Logans, played with understated energy and wild abandon by Gregory Itzin and Jean Smart respectively -- that had me tuning in to the last tick of the clock.

It would have been tough to top that killer tag team, but the show didn't even try -- instead putting Wayne "Weenie" Palmer in the Oval Office and not even having the common decency to keep him dead after an assassination attempt.

One casting confirmation for next season came out earlier this week, suggesting we might have something worth watching again.

Cherry Jones has signed to play the first female President in U.S. (and Jack Bauer's) history. It's a clear nod to the possibility of Hillary as... as... I can't even bring myself to say it.

Not sure which direction the show will take her politically, but it's an intriguing development. I've only seen Jones in M. Night Shyamalan's films, but she was memorable in both.

She could make either a fine, competent and convincing Lady Commander-in-Chief or a believable facsimile of what Hillary would be. And either one could be fun.

The article also addresses the murky politics of the creators.

"In a February article in The New Yorker magazine, [executive producer Joel] Surnow described himself as a rare conservative in Hollywood. But show producers say they hold a variety of political viewpoints and deny '24' takes a solely conservative approach, the magazine reported."


It's confusing in Wayne's World sometimes

"In Praise of Xenophobia"

The way we were

It's been calm seas for more than a week here after some welcome travel and family events, but the winds are blowing again with this, the final installment of my immigration trilogy.

This one comes courtesy of Graybrook. It's a killer, well-researched piece on the subject largely free of the rabid hyperbole and rabble rousing you'll find on other sites...like the one you're reading right now.

"Today’s multiculturalist and xenophoric 'Americans' deny that there is such a thing as a uniquely American world view or at least that there should be such a thing. Yet their unflagging exertions to destroy the 'citadel of our liberty and sovereignty' only prove that it exists or once did..."

Good point. I've always thought it funny that the same people who claim we're merely a changing nation of immigrants without any fixed culture are the same people who take to the street en mass whenever we allegedly try to "impose" it on other cultures via commerce or war.

The essay goes on to outline the differences between our Protestant-based system of government and both Islam and the Latin American mindset.

On the latter:

"..Again, as always, this world view has its basis in religion, and at its heart is the concept of sacerdotalism, a doctrine basic to the Roman Catholicism which has molded Latin American culture. "Sacerdotalism is the establishment of a rigid hierarchy that separates man from God, the interjection of a ‘priestly’ class between man and God, through whom the ‘layman’ must go to reach God" (William A. Simpson). Carlyle viewed this doctrine as the polar opposite of Puritanism.

A sacerdotal mindset gives rise to a polity in which a hierarchical government is the foundation of society. It is predisposed to the maternalism of the socialist state. 'In Latin America, the female runs the household. She educates the children and manages the finances. As a result, the Latin American family is matriarchal. Whereas the father is distant, the mother is ‘linked with love and proximity’ and has a greater influence on the children" (One Hundred Years of Solitude/Cien Anos de Soledad : The Buendía Family).

This is what I was talking about regarding the "strong man" tendencies toward demagoguery and "benevolent" man-of-the-people dictatorship often found in political history south of our borders.

"...This foundational aspect of Latin American culture has vast implications for change as its influence spreads throughout traditional North American culture. It is a foreign element which can elementally altar this nation..."

...if we are to preserve our admirable character as an American nation and culture, we must be vigilant in examining the influences and impulses which may be anathema to our common spirit. For this reason, we may rightly be xenophobic. We must hasten to say that we do not fear foreigners per se. Indeed, we may welcome foreigners who yearn to embrace our founding principles and contribute their own hues to our already colorful national complexion — those immigrants who, in Eric Hoffer’s words, will 'love and cherish it.' "

Be sure to take the time to read this. Link again here.


"We speak only English from now on, mama. We are Americans now. "
--A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Hollywood gets religion (like a punch line)

Larry wants to be like Mike

I heard a film producer on the news yesterday talking about the grumbling among documentary filmmakers against Michael Moore. They want the Academy to create a new category to better fit the type of entertainment he actually makes.

A lot of documentary makers see Moore splice interviews and edit out of context and wonder why they're not allowed to do the same thing, said the man whose name escapes me because I hadn't considered blogging him at the time.

But today Lionsgate announced a distribution deal for the new Bill Maher/Larry Charles documentary on religion. And ladies and gentlemen, if you thought Moore's bastardization of the genre was egregious, just wait until Maher's rabid, illogical, self-important hatchet job debuts on too many screens than its actual audience will justify.

From the press release:

"The documentary follows Maher as he travels around the globe interviewing people about God and religion. Known for his astute analytical skills, irreverent wit and commitment to never pulling a punch, Maher brings his characteristic honesty to an unusual spiritual journey. The film will mark Charles’ first feature project since the critically acclaimed, wildly successful BORAT. "

Larry 'Borat' Charles... Ken 'Civil War' Burns... It's all the same, right?

" 'It’s an honor and a privilege to be working with Larry Charles and Bill Maher, two of the sharpest, funniest minds in show business,” said [Lionsgate master pimp] Ortenberg. ... "We feel this film can play as broadly as a Michael Moore film, and it’s sure to be as provocative, informative and entertaining as any documentary in recent memory...' "

I knew it. Michael Moore was the butt double for Ken Davitian during that naked brawl sequence!

" '...Certainly, the promo reel that the sales team screened at Cannes generated enormous enthusiasm among acquisition executives across the board.' "

Certainly.

"Said Maher, 'Comedically, the topic of religion is hitting the side of a barn – it’s literally hard to miss. This movie will make you laugh so hard you’ll pray for it to stop.'

Observed Charles, 'Nietzsche said God is dead, but he didn't see the grosses for PASSION OF THE CHRIST.' "

It is indeed a man of faith who thinks Bill Maher and the guy behind "Mad About You" will bring in the receipts Jesus and Mel Gibson did once upon a time.

Hey, I'll be the first to admit "World Religion" is an excellent subhead for comedy. But something tells me few aboriginals, Native Americans, Africans, Jews or rain forest dwellers will get skewered here.

Nor will there be much footage earning the too-outrageous-to-stop Maher a fatwa like the one that ended Theo Van Gogh's career on a bloody sidewalk in Holland-istan.

We'll see some New Agers (Shirley MacLaine types, not Green Party members), maybe some Buddhists (but not the Dali Lama), Wiccans... A shot or two of those freaky rat worshipers at the Karni Mata Temple...

The other 97 percent of the film will focus on Catholics, Methodists, Charismatics, (white) Baptists, conservative Presbyterians, Eastern Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, Armenian Orthodox, Romanian Orthodox...pretty much anything with "orthodox" in name or practice.

Better get in line now to avoid the crowds. And if you find yourself next to Bill Maher in L.A. traffic during a lightning storm on the way to the theater, pull back to a safe distance and get ready for the Fourth of July.

"...by the Don's early liiiiight!"

Turns out I have more to say on the topic of my last post. Mainly to some of the objections invariably raised against addressing the "non-problem" of mass invasion by millions of untraceable foreign nationals.

Don't fall for the "we can't deport 18 to 20 million people" mantra.

I.C.E. officials proudly announced a few months back that 250,000 illegals had been sent packing in the past year. A quarter million. During wartime and with token congressional funding.

Close the border, fund I.C.E. like it's a priority, and the job will get done. (Take down every Wal-Mart from Fresno to Yakima simultaneously, and the job's half done already.)

"But that would take years."

Not when Juan figures out our jackbooted thugs are in fact coming for him this time. And even if it does take a decade or two, think of all the real Americans the effort will employ. We end illegal immigration and unemployment in a single move!

"Round people up? You sound like a Nazi."

We're not talking about concentration camps. We're talking about sending people home to the return address on their drivers licenses. Their real drivers licenses.

You want to hear Hitler in Bavaria circa 1923? Listen to Latino leaders salivating over how they command the future of the state (see Fresno Bee story, previous post).

"But won't my $2 box of strawberries will cost $3 if they all leave?"

A dollar extra for strawberries is a bargain to keep your country. Like they said in Team America, freedom costs a buck-0-five.

"No one else will do the work!"

Just watch those summer-job high school and college workers come out of the woodwork when the price is right. It's called capitalism, and it won't be denied. The market always corrects itself.

And if farmers have to pay a decent wage for a change -- if it hurts a little at first -- they have no one to blame but themselves for cheating in the first place.

Besides, I haven't seen a poor farmer since 1984. Maybe now we know why.

--------

Call me a racist if you like. I really don't care anymore. But for the record, I'm a culturalist. Like my friend and co-worker Humberto, who the day he swore in as an American citizen told me, and I quote...

"F--- America. In my heart I'm Mexican. I came here because it's a better way for my family."

He told me this as a friend, incredibly intending no offense. He didn't want to cause trouble, he simply felt like he had just betrayed his true home by swearing allegiance to the U.S. Constitution and had to get it off his chest.

Humberto wasn't such a good friend after that. But at least I started to wake up to the reality of the "melting pot" rapidly cooling down around me.

That was back in 1994. This is 2007. With whole neighborhoods de facto Mexican colonies already back then, the deportations have to kick into overdrive ASAP today.

It's not about race. It's the fact that a minority can't assimilate a majority. People with skin darker than mine are welcome...but only in numbers small enough to turn them into my countrymen, not the other way around.

"Jose can you seeee...!"

Latinos are already the dominant ethnic group in Los Angeles, Fresno and several other counties in the state, but in the years to come, that domination is going to mushroom, according to California Department of Finance projections getting some attention this week.

The numbers are staggering.

The Central Valley alone will have more people than Los Angeles by 2050, the vast, vast majority of them more apt to fly the flag on Cinco De Mayo than the 4th of July.

Meaning that if my family stays here in Fresno, by the time our baby girl turns 20, she'll be one of just 1,952 Gringas left in Fresno County her age, compared to 5,701 Latinas.

Is this a problem? It is if you don't like the idea of your retirement home becoming a living history museum for Spanish-speaking kindergarten field trips.

It is if you're smart enough to do the math and realize the old "they're taking our jobs" objection is just a Quinceañera or two from inevitable reality.

Then there's the gulf that exists between the American political tradition and that which has universally prevailed south of the border since colonization. I studied the history of Latin American politics at Fresno State. The Old World, conquistador mentality that has animated their political life for generations has invariably produced entitled aristocrats, demagogues, tyrants and blood-soaked revolutionaries.

American Democrats are happy to fill the demagogue slot, of course. Imagine Hillary as a latter day Eva Peron. Like John Lennon said, it's easy if you try.

Bottom line, our Protestant Reformation ideals produced leadership like George Washington and Ronald Reagan. Latin America? Try Gen. Santa Anna, Juan Manuel de Rosas and the Institutionalized Revolutionary Party of Mexico.

But I digress. Back to how completely screwed we are.

Bear in mind these projections are based on a "Hispanic [illegal immigrant] baby boom" happening today, for those already here. Given the fact our fearless leaders intend to do exactly jack about the immigration problem, these ratios are probably too conservative.

All because George Bush was raised by a sweetheart of a Mexican nanny and brother Jeb married into la raza.

As usual, Victor Davis Hanson put it well in a recent column following the defeat of the bipartisan amnesty bill:

Americans were brought up on lectures about the sanctity of the law. We were supposed to revere the Social Security system. Yet when the government discusses millions of phony Social Security numbers used by illegal aliens, it is usually in the cynical sense of whether that con enriches or bankrupts the system — not whether such rampant fraud is legally and morally wrong.

Most citizens fret if they leave the house without their driver's license. They get nervous when their car registration or proof of insurance is lost — and so grow irate that millions of others on the road don't or can't share their concern.

And there are about to be maaany more of those cars on the road.

Meanwhile, the only Latinos off the road are two U.S. border agents railroaded and currently wasting away in solitary confinement courtesy of Dubya's handpicked legal team.

Viva America, amigos!

Operation "Vegas Freedom"

Did you catch the details in this weekend's story of the shooting rampage in Las Vegas?

"A 'distressed' gunman on a balcony at the New York-New York casino opened fire on gamblers below early Friday, wounding four people before he was tackled by off-duty military reservists. A fifth person was hurt in a crush of people fleeing the casino..."

One of the reservists recounts the confrontation here:

"...The gunman passed [24-year-old Iraq veteran] Lampert on his right, about 20 yards away, then turned to look at him. Lampert saw a 9 mm pistol and observed the man attempting to reload.

'He said, `I'm going to ... kill you,' Lampert said Saturday. 'We made eye contact and I took off after him. I just kind of dumped him.' "

So let's break it down:

1) A psycho who is not a veteran opens fire on innocent people.

2) Veterans who are not psychos take out disturbed civilian courtesy of their combat-honed sense of duty and physical training.

3) Vast majority of chicken-hearted civilians trample someone in the rush to save themselves.

But I thought George Bush's war only turns people into psycho gunmen or maladjusted Post-traumatic Stress Disorder civilian types. Now you're telling me, no? It's just the opposite? You mean Hollywood lied to me again??

So...disillusioned...

Also thought it was fitting the gunman's police photo bore a resemblance to Saddam's dazed-and-bedraggled mugshot after he was pulled from his hole by the same kind of guys on duty in Iraq.

Don't blink...

Not as funny as he looks

War, Inc., huh?

Gee, wonder what the moral of this one might be.

And if the title isn't subtle enough for you, check out the trailer here, complete with Humvee rolling up to a newly erected Popeye's Chicken franchise somewhere in the Middle East. And those forced-confession videos that terrorists force you to make right before cutting off your head with a hacksaw? An untapped gold mine of laughs ideal for romantic comedy. Because you just gotta laugh, right?

I'm actually okay with this one for the simple fact that when comedy misfires as spectacularly as this (think Chevy Chase's talk show... The career of Al Franken...) all you really need to do is get out the way and let it do what it do.

Seriously, this has to be the lamest idea since It's Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown. Or John Cusack in America's Sweethearts.

God bless America

Happy Independence Day to everyone here at home and in particular to those bleeding red, white and blue right now overseas.

After raising Old Glory outside this morning, I opened the local paper and came across a full page reprint of the Declaration of Independence. It was a beautiful layout, and it's been years since I read this world-changing document in it's entirety, so I did. What a thrilling read it remains to this day. Turns out there's no better way to get into the spirit of the 4th.

So click here for the full text and here for a fascinating look at an early draft of the Declaration with its congressional revisions in place. Then go out and enjoy those fireworks in the spirit in which they're truly intended.

Breaking news

With those millions of downtrodden illega -- er, undocumented workers -- pushed back into the cold shadows of America again, it appears Hollywood is once more at a loss as how to raise their own children while maintaining that active So Cal lifestyle. Luckily, the new global economy provides the solution yet again.


Report: Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas

And since we're all about the international happenings around here, enjoy this bonus news item from Europe. Finally a crisis the UN can handle on its own. Maybe.


Liechtenstein Successfully Tests Teeny Tiny Nuclear Bomb

Loder unloads on Michael Moore

Yes you are, my friend

Kurt Loder has written a standout review of Michael Moore's Sicko more suited for the Wall Street Journal or National Review than MTV. I haven't bothered to watch MTV itself since 1984, but for some odd reason, in Loder they have arguably the most erudite film critic working today. ("Arguably" as in good luck convincing Richard Schickel he's not the man.)

In a point-by-point dismantling of Moore's latest fraud-fest, Loder kicks the tires and looks under the hood, raising and answering the questions Moore skirts regarding the reality of socialized medicine abroad.

"...Moore is also a con man of a very brazen sort, and never more so than in this film. His cherry-picked facts, manipulative interviews (with lingering close-ups of distraught people breaking down in tears) and blithe assertions (how does he know 18 million people will die this year because they have no health insurance?) are so stacked that you can feel his whole argument sliding sideways as the picture unspools. ... There are a number of proposals as to what might be done to correct this situation. Moore has no use for any of them, save one.

As a proud socialist, the director appears to feel that there are few problems in life that can't be solved by government regulation (that would be the same government that's already given us the U.S. Postal Service and the Department of Motor Vehicles)..."

Too many great quotes in this piece to even begin posting them here. Just click here now. Read it, commit it to memory, print it out and send it to school with your kids for show-and-tell, etc.

Also makes a fine companion piece to Libertas' excellent skewering of the film here.

'Transformers": UPDATE

Just saw the film last night at a press screening. Unfortunately, the studio has imposed a July 3 review moratorium, and since I don't want to lose my preview privileges, I will comply. (Actually, since Dirty Harry over at Libertas gave me a shout-out yesterday, I kinda want to give him first dibs on a review anyway.)

As to the politics of the thing, Transformers is definitely right of center. Or at least goes out of its way not to kick Red State America in the teeth. The credits even thank "the men and women of the armed forces" along with the Pentagon, other government agencies and a few dozen U.S. military bases that double as shooting locations. When's the last time you saw that in a mainstream release?

That said, it's hard to take this movie seriously. The movie dares you to try and is fully prepared to mock you for seeing it as anything other than what it's intended to be -- the ultimate, noisiest, insanely entertaining ride you've had at the movies in years, a mission it fully accomplishes. (Honestly, the last film at which I can recall people standing and cheering during the screening was Red Dawn as a kid. Granted, preview audiences are easier to please than the regular crowd.)

The movie looks amazing, is frequently hilarious... (Yikes, dangerously close to becoming a review here.) Um, suffice it to say, there's a scene at one point that has the Secretary of Defense blasting away with a vintage shotgun at Johnny Five from Short Circuit deep in the bowels of the Hoover Dam. If you can't read that sentence without rolling your eyes and pining for the "serious filmmaker" pretensions behind something like The Good German, this flick is not for you. And by the way, you're an idiot.

'Transformers' colors don't run?

Early word on Transformers has it that the film may sit well with those of us on the political right.

From Variety:

“…Meanwhile, U.S. soldiers in Qatar have been attacked by a helicopter that transforms itself into one nasty robot, destroying everything in its path while an offshoot downloads top-secret files from the computers. Secretary of Defense John Keller (Jon Voight, doing a Southern version of Donald Rumsfeld) calls an emergency conference to analyze the data ("This is way too smart for the Iranians"), but one of the small robots has already hacked into Air Force One's computer…"

Jon Voight has been outspoken in his support for the War on Terror, so it's no surprise he'd be in a film that apparently is very sympathetic to the military.

It's also a Michael Bay film. So what if he has a reputation as a raving tyrant on set? Bay's company took part in a panel discussion at the Liberty Film Festival a couple years ago. I couldn't make that session, but I'm glad to hear that the rumors about Hollywood's biggest action director being on our side may be true.

"…More than any of Bay's earlier blockbusters, including "Pearl Harbor" and "Armageddon," "Transformers" has an oddly Reagan-era feel, at times resembling an Air Force recruitment commercial. Soldiers, led by Capt. Lennox (Josh Duhamel) and Sgt. Epps (Tyrese Gibson), are as much heroes as [protagonist] Sam, fighting to rid the world not only of authoritarian regimes -- there's frequent speculation that Russia or China is involved, proving the Cold War hasn't ended -- but also secret government programs. Ethnic stereotypes abound, and there's a none-too-subtle jab at the Spanish-as-an-equal-language lobby. "Freedom is the right of all sentient human beings," intones Optimus, sounding more appropriately President Bush circa 2007.”

The last time this kind of buzz surrounded a movie, we were talking about 300. And we all know how that one did.
And if the buzz is accurate, expect this one to rule the box office uncontested when the final receipts are tallied for '07. Then again, Bay's woefully underrated "The Island" flopped not long ago. Granted, liberal critics uniformly damned that pro-life pic with abysmal reviews it did not deserve, and that doesn't seem to be the case here.

Avoid the lines. Get your tickets now.

(Thanks to Mike Rinaldi for the heads-up on this one!)