Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Trouble in gay paradise?


(Wavelength real lesbian file photo)

What Oprah hath joined...

Gay marriage pioneers Julie and Hillary Goodridge are calling it quits.

Court documents indicate a settlement in which Mrs. Goodridge will get the house, Indigo Girls CDs and their Great Dane "Gaia," while Mrs. Goodridge will walk away with the couple's Prius, electric hair clippers and three (metric) tons of organic compost.

The Goodridges will maintain joint custody of their 14-year-old collection of Birkenstocks.

"I'm just thrilled and ecstatic -- I mean, in a really sad way," said pioneering gay-divorce lawyer Harv Shankman.

The couple cited "irreconcilable differences" as grounds for ending the astonishing four-year union.

"The plumbing was all wrong," Mrs. Goodridge told the judge with a shrug.

When prompted further, she revealed the couple had tried for years to have a baby, but when the State of Massachusetts and a 2006 discrimination lawsuit against the universe failed to produce a child, things went from bad to worse.

Friends from the couple's favorite sports bar told the Wavelength that the rift actually began when Mrs. and Mrs. Goodridge clashed over who to support in the 2008 Democratic primary, then widened when Mrs. Goodridge blew all the money earned from a decade of farmer's market wind chime sales on a faulty David Crosby insemination kit purchased through Craigslist.

"It's so sad," said a misty-eyed Misty Irons, the Goodridge's pastor at Inclusion Methodist Church. "They were married for four years. That's almost half a whole decade, you know?"

6 comments:

K said...

I've known nice gay couples who lived together for many years and looked nothing like that freakshow.

Personally, I have nothing against GM but, then, it's not really about that, is it?

Anonymous said...

Heh, "GM".......
Frigging Hilarious!!
Sounds suspiciously like The Onion in its prime, but better. You do this?

CI Photog

Traffic Cop Timmy said...

OMG! How about a "you may go blind looking at this" warning first!

You are so fracking funny!

signed TCT, formerly known as Mr_Magoo

Splash said...

Hey, hey! What up, Traffic Cop Timmy!

Yeah, sorry about that photo. Not exactly easy on the retinas.

CI,

You do me great honor, sir.

Traffic Cop Timmy said...

From Connie Francis, Guess My Heart Has a Mind of Its Own:
I told this heart of mine our love could never be,
But then I hear your voice, and something stirs inside of me
Somehow I can't dismiss the memory of your kiss,
Guess my heart has a mind of its own
No matter what I do, no matter what I say
No matter how I try, I just can't turn the other way
When I'm with someone new, I always think of you,
Guess my heart has a mind of its own
You're not in love with me, so why can't I forget?
I'm just your "used-to-be"; it's wrong, and yet...
I know forgetting you would be a hopeless thing,
For I'm a puppet and I just can't seem to break the string
I say "I'll let you go," but then my heart says "no"
Guess my heart has a mind of its own

Anonymous said...

I've shot way too many Farmers Markets. It's like you were with me every time.

C.I. Photog