Thursday, May 28, 2009

Bill Gates wants you dead

Throw me a frickin' bone here. It's "population control," OK?

A bunch of billionaires just met in some dark corner recently to discuss how they can pool their limitless resources to reduce the number of people breathing air on planet earth.

The result...
There was “nothing as crude as a vote” but a consensus emerged that they would back a strategy in which population growth would be tackled as a potentially disastrous environmental, social and industrial threat.

“This is something so nightmarish that everyone in this group agreed it needs big-brain answers,” said the guest. “They need to be independent of government agencies, which are unable to head off the disaster we all see looming.”

Hey, it's all fun and games until someone loses a few billion lives.

But why meet under multiple layers of secrecy?

It seems they wanted "to speak rich to rich without worrying anything they said would end up in the newspapers, painting them as an alternative world government."

Totally. Wouldn't want to start any crazy conspiracy theories or anything. Might interfere with all the plans for global control of human destiny.

Bible study banned in San Diego County

Home is where the heart government is.

Holy shoot... I'm getting nervous over here. Seems like they're gunning for believers like never before -- outside the Roman Colosseum anyway.

Is planetary colonization available yet? Suddenly I'm dreaming of a shiny, solid-fuel rocket with "Mayflower II" stenciled on the side.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Networks announce fall shows


The season finales of everything worth watching are now behind us. (Don't get me started on the sucktacular mess that was '24' this season.)

And while I'm still reeling from the tragic loss of 'The Unit' from CBS's 2009 fall lineup, I'm prepared to move on with my life and start seeing other shows -- after a long and glorious summer of baseball, of course.

The short version on what the networks have going on? NBC and Fox are going down in flames, CBS is running on the fumes of past hits, and ABC is looking real, real good. Assuming your definition of "real, real good" is maybe three shows Splash might bother taking for a test drive.

"Flash Forward," "V," "Happy Town" (all ABC), "The Human Target" (Fox) and "Day One" (NBC's 'Lost?') are pretty much all I'm interested in sampling at this point. And I'm secretly hoping they all stink, because I watch too much TV already.

Now excuse me while I resume my email campaign to save 'The Unit' or revive it on another network.