Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Networks announce fall shows


The season finales of everything worth watching are now behind us. (Don't get me started on the sucktacular mess that was '24' this season.)

And while I'm still reeling from the tragic loss of 'The Unit' from CBS's 2009 fall lineup, I'm prepared to move on with my life and start seeing other shows -- after a long and glorious summer of baseball, of course.

The short version on what the networks have going on? NBC and Fox are going down in flames, CBS is running on the fumes of past hits, and ABC is looking real, real good. Assuming your definition of "real, real good" is maybe three shows Splash might bother taking for a test drive.

"Flash Forward," "V," "Happy Town" (all ABC), "The Human Target" (Fox) and "Day One" (NBC's 'Lost?') are pretty much all I'm interested in sampling at this point. And I'm secretly hoping they all stink, because I watch too much TV already.

Now excuse me while I resume my email campaign to save 'The Unit' or revive it on another network.


Anonymous said...

Splash, I wouldn't know about your shows. They come and they go.
I'm still reeling since they removed producer Richard Dominick from "Jerry Springer" last summer in a clueless, nonsensical effort to tone the show down.
Western civilization will never again reach such heights(depths?)

--CI Photog

Splash said...

Come on, CI, get with the program(s). You're one step away from that old man who likes to brag about his new pants because they fit so well under his armpits.

Anonymous said...

Splash, you're missing the obvious. You are watching the same show over and over.
These programs are all the same. They just recycle main characters revolving-door style from one show to the next and recycle scripts.
"24," "CSI," etc., all the same show.
And, never forget the Carl Reiner/Dick Van Dyke Show rule:
Every show has a life span of 5 years, then it runs out of gas. How many years has "24" been on until it fell from grace, hmmm?
--CI Photog

P.S.- my pants fit just fine, thank you.

Splash said...

Boy, you ARE out of the TV loop! '24' and 'CSI' couldn't be more different. ('24' is told in supposed "real time" in classic, cliff-hanger serial melodrama mode, while 'CSI' is a police procedural.)

Now, 'CSI', 'CSI: Miami,' 'CSI: New York,' etc... I'm guessing those are all fairly cookie cutter!

But you're probably right about the five year rule, though a few have had better mileage over the years I suppose.

I'm just interested to see what Conan does with The Tonight Show when he takes over on Monday. I understand Andy Richter will be back in Ed McMahon sidekick mode for the new show. (Which, I thought, worked well the last time he and Conan were a team.)

Anonymous said...

Out of the TV loop and proud of it!!!
I hate to lower the boom here, Splash, but your shows are fake. Daydreams. Comic book fiction, to be distinguished from the motion pictures we admire that are akin to literature.
And, please tell those "24" folks what a tripod is. Makes me seasick.

Try PBS some time. NOVA, American Experience, Secrets of the Dead and Frontline are all excellent documentary programs.
Learn anything lately from crime procedurals that have nothing to do with reality?
Try PBS and learn the reason the Twin Towers collapsed after being hit by airliners(NOVA); History of the Kennedys(American Experience); How barefoot Zulus with pointed sticks slaughtered the British at Isandlwana(Secrets/Dead); why Wal*Mart is bad for America(Frontline). --CI Photog

Splash said...

Hey, man... I've never seen a full episode of any CSI. So there.

But at least I'm AWARE of progress made in the arena of pop culture beyond fuzzy reruns of "Kojak" on Betamax. (Bam!)

And PBS? Why would I watch the poor man's Discovery Channel when I have the real thing? Charlie Rose is good only for insomnia. (Particularly on himself it seems.)

Yeah, if I want to hear Truthers go on about how the CIA took down the Twin Towers, I'll sign up for Whoopi Goldberg's Twitter feed.

Anonymous said...


What planet is your PBS broadcast from?

--CI Photog

Anonymous said...

Okay, Wet One, here we go...
A sampling of Discovery Channel in the TV log reveals the following programs that you regularly watch:
Area 51
Nazi UFO Conspiracy
River Monsters
A Haunting
Sewer Inspector

Great creds there, Splash.

And, you're talking to me about CIA and Twin Towers?

If you'd seen "Nova: Why the Twin Towers Fell," you would know that the trusses(that support the floors) sagged during the fire, softened from the intense heat, and pulled away from the outside of the structure, snapping the bonds and causing the tops of the buildings to crash down upon the lower half of the buildings.

Who the hell is Charlie Rose? That's like me capping on your precious Fox and Friends.

Whoopi Goldberg? Knock yourself out, kid.

--CI Photog

Anonymous said...

"But at least I'm aware of progress made in the arena of pop GARBAGE" --CI

Splash said...

OK, you got me. I don't even watch Discovery Channel. Though 'Sewer Inspector' sounds friggin awesome.

Splash said...

...Actually, PBS has some great kids shows. And it's not as commie as is used to be, or rather, it is, but CNN and MSNBC have pushed the envelope so much you don't notice it as much.

I do watch Austin City Limits, Masterpiece Theater, Mystery and a few of the classic Britcoms, but that's about it.

Mainly, I'm opposed to tax money for "public broadcasting" in the first place.

But hey, here's the lineup on tap tonight here for two full channels of your precious PBS:

- Quilting Arts
- Los Nino en Su Casa
- Native Report (Injun news)
- In Steppe
- Yoga for: Back Care
- The Great American Seafood Cook-off (maybe worth a watch, but Food Channel has it 24/7)
- Dr. Wayne Dyer: Excuses Begone!
- Heart Strings ("Kamaka and Sons in Honolulu has crafted the ukulele for nearly 100 years" Ooo!)
- And of course... Charlie Rose at 2 and 11 p.m. (Don't pretend you're unfamiliar. He's as much a staple -- and doorknob -- as Jim Lehrer.)

And even when you do get something cool like Steve Winwood and Eric Clapton in concert (like I'm watching as I type), it's only a tease for pledge week/month that gets interrupted every five minutes for 10-minute sales pitches from turtle-necked PBS wieners on loan from the local community college.

Anonymous said...

"turtle-necked PBS wieners on loan from the local community college."

That's damn funny. Score one for Splash- to be deducted soon.

Your list superbly emphasizes the value of PBS. Something for everybody, something that Fox News Junkies like can't comprehend. From El Nino to William Buckley-
Tax dollars....spent for ALL of us, not just Fox News Junkies.
--CI Photog

Splash said...

Um...Buckley is dead and a long time gone. And they haven't replaced him with anyone right-of-center yet. The politics of PBS reps the Left only, which is why our tax dollars are being wrongly spent. But what else is new?

I love how Statists bash Fox as if 1) it's the only outlet with an editorial bent and 2) we on the Right have options ANYWHERE else on TV.

Anonymous said...

Fox News is full of shallow twaddle.
I've been watching for almost 10 years now, initially to see what all the fuss was about.
You have to be a bottle blond hawking a new book to be invited on the network as an "expert."
Ann Coulter is the worst example.

I tune in to see Dennis Miller and Dick Morris weigh in, the rest is all hot air and hooey.
--CI Photog

Splash said...

Agreed on Fox, with the exception of Glenn Beck.

Now tell me how CNN and MSNBC are any different.

[Annnnd the crickets chirp on...]

Because we only just recently got Fox and the MAGAZINE shows to which you refer are interchangeable on these outlets, merely from opposite sides of the aisle. ("Campbell Brown: No Bias, No Bull" is the unintentionally funniest show title on TV. And Nancy Grace?? Jerry Springer-level sensationalism.)

Newswise, I still prefer Fox. The breaking news is much the same on any channel, but Fox does have the hotter babes.

I'd also like to hear how Coulter and Dennis Miller are any different in terms of what they say on Fox, apart from Miller being funnier. Or is it just the fact she writes books to back it up that has you so scandalized?

And finally... Dick Morris?? Talk about your hired gun loaded with some seriously warm air!

Anonymous said...

Ann Coulter is a transexual. Get a load of that Adam's Apple.
"She," or more accurately, "he-she," simply hawks his/her product, extra-chromosome conservatism, and laughs all the way to the bank. S/he's probably in reality a liberal in GOP clothing. -CI

Anonymous said...

I have no clue about CNN and PMS-NBC. I don't watch them.
I get my fill of liberal slant on NPR radio, thank you.


Anonymous said...

Dick Morris is a Clinton insider who openly despises Hillary. Credentials approved, step on in.

I find I fit the mold of the "Dennis Miller Conservative," Wikipedia it. ---CI

Anonymous said...

"And finally... Dick Morris?? Talk about your hired gun loaded with some seriously warm air!"

Those who live in glass houses, Splash, those who live in glass houses. --CI

Splash said...

I could only DREAM of being a hired gun. Splash needs a new pair of shoes.

Anonymous said...

Since there is no post disputing Ann Coulter is a tranny, we'll consider that issue agreed upon.

Splash said...

I have to comment on every crazy little thing you say now? But I guess I have so far, so...

No, CI. Ann Coulter is not a transvestite.

Can I go now?