Bruce Willis dies hard on Iraq?

I knew I liked Bruce Willis.

From the Vanity Fair article this month:

"I am for stopping world aggression. And sometimes that takes punching guys in the face. And keep punching 'em until they don't get up anymore. So the president didn't say the right thing. Who cares? Politicians misspeak and make mistakes all the [expletive] time. He said the war was about weapons of mass destruction. But because they didn't find all of them, it was b.s.? Not really. They know for a fact that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, chemical-gas agents. They could be buried somewhere in the desert. He could have moved them, overnight, across the border, into Syria — and we can't go into Syria."

Granted, I haven't read the entire piece. Granted, some are saying he actually now comes off as a whiny anti-war punk. Granted, he also apparently believes JFK's killers might still be out there. But I'll take what I can get at this point.

The guy has been a tireless supporter of the troops, more than once heading overseas to entertain with his band, and he famously put a personal, million-dollar bounty on Osama's head during an appearance on O'Reilly.

If this quote is legit, that makes Die Hard 4 worth watching this summer on principle alone.

So that makes Bruce Willis, Gary Sinise, James Woods and Jon Voight... Four out of the 120,000 members of the Screen Actors Guild. We're making progress!

'Lost' Libris

The season finale for ABC's 'Lost' was nothing short of spectacular this week, and the twist this time has sent many of us scouring the Web yet again for new theories and clues to just what's going on in this crazy universe.

As I've always seen it, the creators have left us the true trail of breadcrumbs from the beginning in the various books, comics and other reading material shown in passing from day one. Many, books in the scavenged personal library of Sawyer.

I checked, and sure enough, someone has compiled a complete list of titles in this untapped gold mine of clues.

I don't recall a few of these, but the one that made me sit up and take notice when it first aired was "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge."

I read this short story in high school and always thought it would make a fantastic film. It's too obscure a title to be here by accident (not that there are any accidents on this show) and it has a huge, huge 'Lost' feel to it.

Whoever blogged this book list apparently didn't get it though, because the description there misses the goodies completely.

Here's what happens: Confederate is being hanged during the Civil War when the rope snaps and sends him plunging into the river below. He dodges bullets and escapes his captors, running on into the night to make it back home. But as he does, he senses things aren't right. Even the stars in the sky look oddly out of place. And in the end, just as he's made it home and is headed into the arms of his family, the narrative cuts back to the hero -- swinging dead on the bridge where's he's been all along.

Significant? How could it not be?

Particularly given the fact parallels with the other books are pretty obvious by now. "In Lord of the Flies," the lost boys find a parachutist hanging (dead) from a tree. "Catch-22" involves characters named Naomi and Ruth, both mention in 'Lost' in conjunction with newcomer Naomi Dorrit, who arrives with a copy of the book. And even a quick glance at Stephen King's "The Stand" shows an obvious connection.

"Watership Down" is another, and a personal favorite of mine, that happens to be about a group of faith-minded wanderers led by a mystic vision in search of their true home.

One that really has me intrigued is Charles Dickens' "Our Mutual Friend," "the last book Desmond will read before he dies." ABC's Website also implies the book's significance as Desmond's defining image on its "Lost Connections" page here (image of the book appears behind his head when you click on him).

What does it all mean? Who knows? But it sure is fun trying to work it all out, isn't it?

Why I hate the mainstream press, part II

No point. It just makes me feel better.

Fans of true cinema verite (as opposed to the Michael Moore/'War Tapes' variety) are urged to click on over to this fantastic Website.

More accurately, it's a hard-hitting blog and documentary-in-progress being put together by a Hollywood agent who quit his job -- and has since been ostracised by just about everybody he knew -- to be embedded with Marines in Iraq.

Tons of footage to check out. Watch the “Living With Snipers” clip (the only bit I took the time to watch before rushing here to tell you about it) to hear how frustrated the guys on the ground are at the complete and apparently wilful shafting they get in the press.

When you're done there, check out this e-mail quote posted at the BlackFive blog, from a soldier also fed up with the b.s. Note that Fox News doesn't get a pass here either.

...Hello media, do you know you indirectly kill American soldiers every day? You inspire and report the enemy's objective every day. You are the enemy's greatest weapon. The enemy cannot beat us on the battlefield so all he does is try to wreak enough havoc and have you report it every day. With you and the enemy using each other, you continually break the will of the American public and American government.

"We go out daily and bust and kill the enemy, uncover and destroy huge weapons caches and continue to establish infrastructure. So daily we put a whoopin on the enemy, but all the enemy has to do is turn on the TV and get re-inspired. He gets to see his daily roadside bomb, truck bomb, suicide bomber or mortar attack. He doesn't see any accomplishments of the U.S. military (FOX, you're not exempt, you suck also)...

Amen, brother. The Wavelength feels your pain. And stands ready to crash down without mercy on anyone who doesn't.

Fourth Estate, Fifth Column

American as apple pie!

As a recovering journalist, I cut the mainstream media too much slack. I've been desensitized, and I'll admit it. But rarely have I been more thoroughly pissed at the idiocy of the biz than I am right now.

I'm talking about the survey of American Muslim opinion conducted by the Pew Research Center. Everyone's talking about it today, so I'm not here to react purely to the findings. It's the reporting thereof that has me dreaming of a suicide bombing at the New York Times building.

Headline, in today's Fresno Bee:

U.S. Muslims assimilated, optimistic
Poll finds that vast majority do not back bin Laden, terrorism

To recap, the poll reports -- with insanely positive spin here in this widely run Washington Post story -- that...

...21 percent of the 2.35 million Muslims in this country openly support or refuse to condemn the use of suicide bombings as a political tool.

...about 1 in 4 "said they do not think that Arabs were responsible for the attacks."

...9 percent of black Muslims expressed a favorable attitude toward al-Qaida. Just 36 percent held a very unfavorable view of Osama bin Laden's terrorist organization.

...64 percent of foreign-born Muslims hold the same "very unfavorable" position.

The article paints all of this with a "glass is half full" optimism.

"What emerges is the great success of the Muslim American population in it's socioeconomic assimilation," said Amaney Jamal [a Princeton professor and] senior advisor on the poll.

Doesn't surprise me a guy named Jamal considers it a "great success" that 493,500 Muslims already here are somewhat or fully okay with suicide bombings. Or that a Princeton professor's notion of assimilation is 36 percent of foreign-born Muslims refusing to even anonymously condemn Osama bin Laden here in their new home nation.

Nor does it remotely surprise me 1 in 4 of those 2.35 million fifth columnists disavow 9/11.

But the American press has truly reached new heights of cooperation with the enemies of the United States and mankind in glossing over all this.

Ann Coulter nailed it in a recent piece on the ascendancy of pro-U.S leaders in Europe:

"The Democratic Party is now officially the only organization on Earth that does not take the threat of Islamic fascism seriously. Between the Democrats and the media, America has gone from its usual position as the world's last hope to radical Islam's last hope."

A gratuitous jab at the Democrats on my part? Not really. The poll also found that Muslims, though socially conservative, vote Democrat by a margin of 6 to 1.

On the Lot

John Avnet and Carrie Fisher will guest judge 'On the Lot'

The overnight ratings are in for Fox's "On the Lot," and the news isn't great. The reality contest search for "the next great filmmaker" drew a mere 8.5 million, despite the mega hand-me-down viewership from the season finale of "American Idol" leading in.

With Steven Spielberg and reality TV pioneer Mark Burnett backing this show, I've had it locked into TiVo for weeks now. Nothing I saw last night makes me regret that decision yet, but I can understand the lack of enthusiasm out there after this first impression.

For starters, with Spielberg and Burnett aboard, I expected something fresher than a wholesale "Idol" retread in terms of format. The show is so far a complete cut-n-paste, including the pool of quirky wannabes herded into a high-pressure "audition round" designed to elicit laughs at the weirder and more self-deluded applicants.

There's even a three judge panel -- two guys and a gal, no less -- meant to simulate the Simon/Paula/Randy experience. The fact these three are the veteran and convivial Garry Marshall, A-list producer/director Brett Ratner and Carrie "Princess Leia" Fisher herself is one of its strengths in my opinion, but many viewers no doubt tuned out the moment it became apparent Spielberg himself wouldn't be occupying one of those chairs.

Stories of young Spielberg's own arrival on the lot straight from film school are legend -- tales of how he crashed Universal (or was it Paramount?) by waltzing right past the gate guards with an official-looking clipboard and a friendly wave, urban legends of his setting up a fake office in a broom closet, anything to get that foot in the door by hook or crook... I therefore envisioned something more Bowfinger than Big Brother.

Still, it gave me goosebumps to see those opening scenes from Casablanca and Raiders of the Lost Ark juxtaposed with the contestants' arrival to the Universal back lot. I remember the day I first took an unchaparoned stroll around the Sony lot, and there's nothing like that feeling. These people are about to start living the dream, my dream. So I'll stay tuned. The question is, will anybody else?

The politics of zombies

UPDATE:
It seems my fears here may -- may, I say -- be unfounded. Libertas has now posted a review of the film that suggests liberal reviewers may be willfuly reading their own agenda into this movie:

If there’s an Iraq allusion it’s that we had to do something, what we did is messy, and maybe the solution’s to clear out and let a mushroom cloud solve the problem. What choice did the film’s unseen government and their military have but to carefully rebuild and just as carefully bring its citizens home? There isn’t chaos breeding chaos in 28 Weeks Later. There’s a military not acting lethally or quickly enough breeding chaos. The film’s message can’t possibly be don’t rebuild people’s lives, can it? The message I got was if you promise to protect a people you better be willing to go all the way.

Now I really want to see this.

ORIGINAL POST:

A.O. Scott's review of 28 Weeks Later indicates we're in for another political sermon. Which is a huge bummer given how much I was looking forward to this, um, sequel.

Here, Scott describes a plot point in which the hero, chased by zombies, makes it to...

...the Green Zone, an island of security in London overseen by occupying American troops... That bit about American soldiers patrolling the Green Zone — see what I mean about allegory? ... The initial benevolence of the occupation is clear enough: a shattered country needs to be put back together, its remaining population protected and reassured.

It is only when things spin out of control that the inherent brutality of the situation becomes clear ... To the soldiers and the survivors alike, there are only bad choices, and doing what seems like the right thing ... can turn out to have horrendous consequences.

So... Green Zones... An American occupation... Inherent brutality... Only bad choices... Doing the right thing leads to horrendous consequences...

Seriously, when is it going to end?

I'll defer for the second time this week to D.H. over at Libertas, albeit on a different topic:

Democrats in Congress have already signalled our surrender of Iraq to al-Queda, the mainstream news media refuses to report any good news in Iraq, where the surge is working, or the true nature of our enemy — you’d think al-Queda wasn’t even in Iraq! — and Hollywood incessantly blasts its message to the world that we’re the problem. ... What is their plan other than insuring Bush and America are humiliated in Iraq?

Scott does indicate "some Americans" come off heroic, but he also implies these are renegades, reluctants or otherwise conscientious objectors to whatever the American game plan is.

Then again, I may be pleasently surprised. It's all probably closer to Children of Men than V for Vendetta in terms of its pinko rating at any rate.

But enough of my informed prejudice. I haven't seen this film yet. And I have to admit it sounds like a fun ride whatever its politics.

Obama 'Gores' himself; No steak knives for O.J.

Bush lied, 10,000 died!

Oh what a beautiful moooorning! Oh what a beautiful daaaaay!

Nothing like enjoying a big bowl of Wheaties over headlines (page 8, if anwywhere, for the liberal press) of a Democrat presidential candidate shooting himself in the foot.

In case you missed it, Barak Obama just went Al Gore's "I invented the Internet" route by claiming 10,000 people died in Kansas.

Where's that big Conan O'Brien "ASS!!" stamp when you need it?

Notice too the AP story gives him a pass in the very first line of the story, offering he was merely "caught up in the fervor" of campaigning. That, my friends, is called "editorializing," and it's allowed only in benefit of left-leaning individuals on the public stage.

Watch the video. He's in full control of himself, even pausing to repeat himself for effect just before the gaffe.

Another reason this is such a lovely morn is the tall glass of "O.J." that arrived with my Obama Flakes. Story here.

Sequels, sequels, sequels...

Do I bloody look like I want to make another one?

For the record, I'm looking forward to Indiana Jones 4, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Shrek the Third and whatever clever title they've come up with for the second "Batman 2."

But check out this post worth reading over at Libertas regarding Hollywood's addiction to sequels, a sickness reaching new heights this summer. I've wanted to post on this topic for some time, but thanks to 'Dirty Harry' I get a free pass.

Let me add my humble observation that 'sequelitis' is even better evidence than its politics that Hollywood is the worst-run business on the planet. Imagine Goodyear spending $1,000 a tire to produce retreads, making a few new ones that don't fit cars actually on the road, then lavishing gold statuettes on itself at the annual earnings report.

The sad fact is that Hollywood is an industry with zero clue how to make its own product anymore, zero clue as to why these movies in their original form worked so well, and zero faith in its ability to consistently produce bankable new stuff the way it did during its Golden Era.

Back then, of course, studio execs demanded to know "will it play in Peoria?" before green-lighting ideas. Today, they take it as a snobbish badge of honor when their unwieldy, pretentious slate o' crap is ignored by flyover country -- a badge of honor they'd wear all the way to the poorhouse were it not for sequels "tent-poling" their house of cards.

Libertas sees light at the end of the tunnel:

"People are flocking to [sequels] because they don’t trust or even like 'mainstream' Hollywood anymore. This will work itself out. It always does. It just takes a while for a bloated, narcissistic, battleship to turn around. "

Even better is an emerging model for film funding that some think will replace studios soon. Borat was funded by a limited partnership of venture capitalists created to produce the film and reap its sizable profits. It was a gamble that paid off, so look for others to follow suit. Should this become the norm, studios would be reduced acting as distribution systems with benefits, something a few have reportedly indicated they may be more comfortable doing.

Vive la France!

I realize American conservatism and French conservatism are not the same thing. And I realize attention to "climate change" was one of Nicolas Sarkozy's first pledges to the French people upon his election yesterday.

But the election of Nicolas Sarkozy yesterday is nothing but a good thing.

He defeated a socialist who bears a striking resemblance to Hilary Clinton in policy and tone, and did it with style. Mocking Segolene Royale's negative tone in the last days as "moodiness" -- the French equivalent of "must be that time of the month" -- was a move I guarantee no Republican will have the balls to perpetrate should they face Mrs. Bill Clinton next year. (Fred Thompson might be in the ballpark, but he hasn't declared yet.)

Last year 'Sarko' also referred to punkass immigrant youth who set the country on fire as "scum" and steadfastly refuses to recant. His immigration reform reportedly will include restriction of new arrivals to skilled workers and people who, um, don't want to burn France to the ground. (Tom Tancredo is probably the only Republican candidate who would dare suggest a sane agenda like that here. Expect "melting pot" platitudes from the rest.)

His fiscal and foreign policies will reportedly seek to strengthen ties with the U.S. as well as block Turkey's entrance to the E.U.

The list goes on.

And best of all, Sarkozy's landslide win is being seen as something of a youth movement itself.

Of course it all depends on how parliamentary elections go in June. His German counterpart hasn't been able to enact much of her rightist agenda due to coalition government snags. Then again, he appears to have more backbone than anyone in Europe since De Gaulle, so maybe "Sarko and Angie" can become something of a bad cop, good cop duo to begin righting Europe's sinking ship.

Probably too early to really break out the champagne and caviar, but I'll certainly be ordering the large French Fries with my dog at the Giants/Mets game tonight.

I'd like to thank the Akadhemi...

Don't know why I bother drawing attention to these hacks anywmore. It's not like anybody's ever going to watch this s--t.

From IMDB:

"Taxi to the Darkside, directed by Alex Gibney, received the $25,000 for top documentary [at the sixth annual Tribeca Film Festival Thursday night]. The film describes the fatal beating of an Afghan taxi driver by U.S. guards in 2002 and other alleged cases of abuse in Guantánamo, Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan and Abu Ghraib in Iraq. Taking note of the fact that the Tribeca Film Festival was founded out of a sense of purpose following the 9/11 attack, Gibney said in accepting the award: 'I fear that along the way that sense of purpose and hope for a better world was hijacked by some people who played on our fears and in a way took us on a journey to the dark side.' "

So let me get this straight. Islamic mass murderers filled us with hope for a better world on Sept. 11, 2001... The only hijacking involved was done by America... And now we've taken the world on a journey to the dark side...

I'd respond if I hadn't just blown out an eyeball reading this the second time.

S3 comes in on a web and a prayer

I caught the eleventh-hour press screening of Spider-Man 3 last night, almost literally at the eleventh hour. Spidey geeks camped out for the midnight showing, in fact, glanced up from their trading cards and Game Boys just long enough to give us "VIPs" dirty looks of Venom-like proportions for cutting to the head of the line. Didn't look much happier as we threw them a friendly wave on the way out either.

But on to the movie.

The short version: S3 is somewhere on the upper end of good and the lower end of great. Alright, much lower than great.

Part three of any trilogy is make-or-break time. You either end on a high note (Revenge of the Sith) or drag down the whole shebang (X-Men 3).

Personally, I tend to favor origins stories. Fellowship of the Ring is still tops with me despite Return of the King's superior firepower as spectacle. That's largely how I feel about S3. The effects are better, the story has greater depth, and the themes are deeper. It's just hard to beat the emotional impact and story arc of the "genesis" installment for me.

That, and S3's too-many sources of villainy -- presented sympathetically and connected in loose ways that tend to dissipate much of the tension -- are the biggest negatives. The Sandman looks phenomenal, but it's hard to hate a guy motivated by the love of his daughter the way we could hate the demonic fury of Willem Dafoe in Spider-Man.

But fans of director Sam Raimi's earlier, darker, quirkier career will still appreciate a return to style at times here. A completely random sequence showing the "evil" Peter Parker strutting his sexy stuff on the streets of New York is some of the funniest stuff in the film. A lot of people are hating that exact bit, but it's old school Raimi to the core. (Remember the Three Stooges-esque eye pokes Ash endured in the graveyard during Army of Darkness? Feels a little like that.)

The great and mighty Bruce Campbell makes his usual cameo for Raimi as well, this time as a hilariously over-the-top Maître de at a French restaurant. Clearly a better choice for the recent Pink Panther remake, had a remake not been pure blasphemy in the first place.

Oh, did I mention Bryce Dallas Howard? Turns out the daughter of Opie Cunningham is uh...one fine, foxy lady, despite what The Village or Lady in the Water may have led us to believe.

Conservatives too should give this a thumbs up. While hardly a political movie and has no obvious subplot involving, say, a mechanical, multi-tentacled Osama bin Laden, the film never strays from its earnest Red State roots.

Which basically means it doesn't take much to please conservatives anymore.

It's manna from heaven these days when Christianity isn't maligned, when gratuitous jabs at George Bush don't materialize, when the everyman (and woman) characters don't shack up, and when the hero somehow manages to speak without a sniff of irony about things like the power of forgiveness and making moral choices in life.

Sure it's a little corny at times, but I like corn.

Superman Returns, you may recall, drew fire for avoiding the Man of Steele's American hero status. (I hear it from my own manager all the time: "It won't play well overseas!") In stark contrast, S3 has Spidey swing into battle framed by a giant American flag.

Happily, that one shot is already pissing off Eurotrash critics like Leo Lewis at the Times Online, who ends his review with:

"Also disappointing is the inability of the director, Sam Raimi, to end the romp without a fleeting shot of the American flag. The Stars and Stripes just happens to be fluttering behind Spidey as he makes his triumphal return to honour, probity and good honest fist-fighting."

The filmmakers say they weren't trying to say anything with that flag. Could be. Could be they're just smart enough to realize films that do well overseas often don't do well here, where the money actually is.

Still...

"I'm a patriotic guy. I do believe it's absolutely true this country strives to do the right thing," said director Sam Raimi during a recent interview with Wold Magazine.

S3 also contains a "conversion" scene of sorts taking place at the foot of a massive cathedral cross.

I'll leave it at that.

The film will be a runaway hit regardless of critics' opinions, which are also running strong in S3's favor.

And when it is, look for talk of Raimi's involvement in New Line's Hobbit project to heat up too.

An 'ugly' turn of events

Banned in Stockholm

What was that Rush Limbaugh said about feminism being invented to let ugly women compete?

Yes, tragic news from the Miss Sweden competition: bikini models need not apply.

All thanks to a brand of woman cut from the same burlap as America's own favorite Miss Photogenic. Women who raised a stink two years ago and have now eliminated swimsuits from the pageant.

Nor will Sweden be taking part in the Miss Universe Pageant until the rest of the world gets with the new "books, not boobs!" spirit of the event.

"...'The modernization of the international competition has been significantly slower than the Swedish contest, although we see signs of change on horizon. Until the parent organization catches up we have chosen not to participate this year,' [Miss Sweden] organizer Panos Papadopoulos said in a statement on Wednesday."

Personally, I have zero problem with beauty being skin deep. Or at least starting there.

"...The decision follows revelations that the current Miss Sweden, Isabel Lestapier Winqvist, posed in a swimsuit for the Swedish edition of men's magazine FHM. Papadopoulous told The Local earlier this week that the pictures were out of line with the contest's new modern image, adding he was considering removing her crown..."

Talk about squandering your country's natural resources.

And is someone named 'Panos Papadopoulous' really qualified to make important decisions like this for Sweden? I used to live there. Don't I get a vote?

But hey... Finally, a civil rights issue on which Bill Clinton and I stand in complete solidarity. For I have a dream. [Cue music.] And I will not rest or be silenced until that day women the world over are judged not by the content of their craniums, but on the color of their tans.

Farewell, Rosie

I wasn't going to bother commenting on Rosie's overdue demise, but then I came across Letterman's Top 10. It suffices nicely. Enjoy.

Top Ten Reasons Rosie O'Donnell Is Leaving "The View"

10. Couldn't maintain rigorous one-hour-a-day work schedule
9. It's been akward ever since she threw Joy Behar through a plate glass window
8. Gearing up for the Kucinich-O'Donnell 2008 campaign
7. Fed up with Elisabeth Hasselbeck being sweet
6. Taking time off to be with her fiancé Donald Trump
5. She feels she can get more feuding done by working at home
4. No number four -- writer too despondent after hearing the news
3. Can make more money wrasslin' gators in Florida
2. Tired of empty gin bottles in Barbara Walters' office
1. Tested positive for steroids
-- David Letterman CBS-TV

September Dawn breaks

Check out this very intriguing take on the upcoming film September Dawn, the true story of the Mountain Meadows massacre that took place on Sept. 11, 1887. An event in which over one hundred people were murdered in a Mormon-led ambush of a wagon train bound for California.

That's right, September 11. And the parallels between Osama bin Laden's minions and Brigham Young's are very interesting indeed.

I take special interest in this film for the fact that it's a story I toyed with writing myself for years and years.

Conservatives will be particularly pleased with the "coming out" of the biggest name in the film. (First Dennis Hopper, now Jon Voight? Nice to know not all hippies smell.)

Gotta wonder, too, if Voight's stance on this issue has anything to do with the threats against his daughter for starring in the upcoming film about the murder of Daniel Pearl.

A new lease on Life

House of refuge at last?

For one of the best and most thorough dissections of the Supreme Court's motivations in handing down this week's landmark decision on partial-birth abortion -- complete with copious quotes from majority author Kennedy -- check out this post over at Graybrook.

"...Thankfully, we were governed for a time by a majority in Congress and a president who were sufficiently committed to protecting human life to pass this badly needed legislation. Why the butchers who continue to perform abortions, along with the current majority political party and their former president who twice vetoed similar bans, cannot see their own savagery can only be explained by their utter loss of morality and humanity, making them much akin to those enemies who would utterly destroy all of us."

And yet the bastards still call themselves "progressives."

No matter... It's on the books now, and there's not a thing they can do about it.

Yet another reason to thank God for hanging chads in 2000.

Cinemania confimed

Wow, I was just making a clever point with that last post, but it turns out I was onto something after all.

We all know the Matrix connection to Columbine, and now we learn Cho was inspired by a "bit o' the ultraviolence" in a Korean film.

Ten bucks says they find at least one Marilyn Manson tune in his iPod, too.

Manson, of course, was a god to the Columbine killers. Yet the man who once in a magazine interview urged his fans to "create their own apocalypse" has yet to receive even a verbal slap on the wrist from anyone left of center in the media when fans do just that. Nor will the film community 1) admit to being enablers-for-profit or 2) self-police themselves to prevent the next wannabe Natural Born Killers when they come along.

And Rosie's again blaming "the guns" over our cultural dream makers?

Speaking of the Founders' insurance policy against bad government, don't miss this excellent piece on the renewed calls for repealing the Second Amendment in the aftermath of Virginia Tech. (And don't you love how those who see partial birth abortion in the constitution can't wait to yank what's explicitly in there?) I won't tell you who wrote the article, lest the knee-jerk lefties among us refuse to take the bait.

Directed from a script by...

A leg gun?? Brilliant!!

And in further bizarre footnotes on the Virginia Tech fallout...

"...In screenplays Cho wrote for a class last fall, characters throw hammers and attack with chainsaws, said a student who attended Virginia Tech last fall. In another, Cho concocted a tale of students who fantasize about stalking and killing a teacher who sexually molested them.

'When we read Cho’s plays, it was like something out of a nightmare,' former classmate Ian MacFarlane, now an AOL employee, wrote in a blog posted on an AOL website.

'The plays had really twisted, macabre violence that used weapons I wouldn’t have even thought of.'

Yep. And that's why you'll never make it in this town, Mr. MacFarlane.

Seriously, isn't this what critics lavish praise on films like Saw, Hostel and Grindhouse for? (Hey, one man's disturbing, telltale signs of mental illness is just another man's edgy, million-dollar intellectual property, right?)

Mainstream faiths flop at Virginia Tech

As mourners gathered on the Virginia Tech campus in communal reflection over the tragedy that overwhelmed the university yesterday, I couldn't help but lean a little closer to the TV today as representatives of Islam, Buddhism, Judaism and Christianity took the stage to offer these hurting people the best their religions presumably have to offer.

In case you missed it, here's the abridged version:

Islam -- You're going to die. Allah wills it. Blessed be Allah the most merciful and compassionate.

Buddhism -- You're going to die. But life is precious, so let's connect. Don't let yesterday and the whole of human history to this point fool you, we're all born with an inherently good nature. Now "let's reflect on everything."

Judaism -- The memory of good people is a blessing, but...you're going to die. [Repeat in Hebrew]. As a wise man once wrote, there is a time to be born and a time to die. (Sorry, but Ecclesiastes is the best we have to offer for situations like this.)

Liberal Protestantism -- My colleagues all make great points. Plus, don't hate. That's real important. Let's have a moment of prayer-like silence.

I do this not to make light of the situation but because a lot of people are hurting right now, and none of these pluralistic, equal-time toastmasters did an ounce of good.

None could offer the missing key ingredient: hope.

Notice, though, how all those faces in the crowd -- so understandably blank during the above -- melted in genuine tears as Christ-focused "Amazing Grace" began to play just after.

Dirty little 'Secret'

Tim Watkin over at The Washington Post has a great piece debunking "The Secret," the latest New Age wish-fulfilment fad bilking the Lottery crowd out of their hard-earned food stamps and cigarettes, thanks in part to the book's author appearing on Oprah. As the female Pope of pop culture wisdom to far too many soccer moms out there, Oprah's blessing has turned this empty can of Bud(dhist) Light into a best seller.

The secret to 'The Secret's' secret? Visualize a million dollars, new car or that supermodel in the hot tub you so richly deserve and it will come to you, courtesy of the universe itself, simply for the wishing.

"...you can even print out a check from 'The Bank of the Universe' off 'The Secret's' Web site. Write in the amount you want. Imagine spending it. Then sit back and watch the cash roll in."

Watkin calls it nutty. That should be obvious. Only it's not only the Lottery crowd buying into it -- to the tune of 1.3 million copies sold in the U.S. -- it's a whole range of seekers, including investment gurus who should know better. Or maybe they've just invested in the publishing company.

"What's missing from this recycling of an old egalitarian ideal is the Protestant ethic and Enlightenment beliefs. Hard work, talent, education, even luck go unmentioned. As 'The Secret' puts it, all you have to do is 'put in your order with the universe.' Ask. Believe. Receive. That's the mantra."

Ah, life on post-Christian planet earth...

Thank the real God (as opposed to your inner deity) we're already a confirmed superpower, because this strikes me as a one-way ticket to failed nation status of Sudanese proportions.

But it explains a lot: The Democrat response to Islamic terrorism... Hillary's bid for the presidency... Sanjaya Malakar... The list goes on.

Now excuse me while I wish myself a new head of hair to replace the fistfuls I just accidentally yanked out.

What We Call the News

This one nails it. (Thanks to Dean-O for the heads up!)

What We Call the News | Send To Friends | Funny Animations at JibJab